


The Aziraphale Rules

by inabathrobe



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Lord Alfred AKA Bosie Douglas - Freeform, M/M, Oscar Wilde - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-15
Updated: 2007-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:19:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabathrobe/pseuds/inabathrobe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley may have forgot to mention to Aziraphale that he was sleeping through the nineteenth century.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aziraphale Rules

**Author's Note:**

> For Meg.

Crowley wasn't entirely sure why, but he did know that Aziraphale was very, very angry. He knew that he had been yanked out of a particularly nice dream about Cellini, who had never needed any help from Crowley, by the unmistakable feeling of righteous anger.1 Before Crowley had even picked himself up off the floor and slithered back into his deliciously warm bed (Crowley also dreamed of the space heater), Aziraphale started in on him. "I cannot believe you, sometimes. You might have told me! You complete and utter— utter —"

Crowley ducked the pillow thrown at his head. "Wanker?" he suggested, ever helpful.

"Precisely," Aziraphale snapped, only too willing to swear by proxy. "That was absolutely horrid of you, sending that nice man off to prison—" Crowley ignored him, trying to remember what he might have done to send Aziraphale into such a rage or, at least, when he had last been awake. He caught a few choice phrases like "travesty of justice!" and "so progressive" and "set back fifty years" and "because he was Irish, wasn't it?" but it was "boys from lower classes"2 that brought him back to earth, or rather, a certain angel raving in his bedroom.

"I, er, wait— what was that about prostitutes?"

Aziraphale turned a color that might modestly be referred to as carmine. "All I said was, 'Be open-minded.' How did I know he would take it like that?"

"You influenced someone to take up with _renters_?" It had been a good century to take off after all. He had been a bit worried after that business with little Victoria (he had been setting up such a good power struggle, too), but Aziraphale had clearly been making up for evil getting a little rest. Maybe, Crowley should consider early retirement.

"It was an accident!" he squeaked. "I just said, 'Know thy self.' "4

"And he said, 'Oh, yes, I think I'll go bugger a boy or two'?" Crowley sneered. He was getting his bearings, and if it really _was_ only '95, he was going to kill (excuse him, inconveniently discorporate) Aziraphale. 5

"Well, when it was just his friend but then it was the poet and, oh, what was I supposed to say when he met the boy?" Aziraphale sat down in the bed in a dejected slump. "Even if he was so young, he loved him."

"You could've started with 'don't bugger him; he's half your age'." Aziraphale must have over exerted himself when he smoothed over the Victoria business because this sounded thoroughly bollocksed. "Or maybe 'girls, only, stupid'? You could've, you know, quoted."6

"But angels aren't supposed to be hypocritical!" Aziraphale wailed. "And he was starting a cultural revolution. It would have pushed humanity so far forward." Crowley made sympathetic noises. "And then along comes his father and he says, 'No, my boy, you can't be part of this tosh,' and what is he going to do then, you stupid—" Aziraphale took a swing at Crowley's nose,7 breaking it with a nasty crack.8

"The hell was that for, angel?"

Aziraphale glowered at him. "My dear boy," he hissed, "you surely do not mean to tell me you have been asleep all this time?"

Crowley shrugged and nodded.

"Scoot over."

* * *

1Or at least righteous Aziraphale shoving him out of bed.

2It must be said that Crowley's knowledge of Aziraphalian euphemism was excellent by this time, and while the average man (or man-shaped being) may not catch the shades of meaning, he knew that this was angel-speak for "renter." 3

3Or male prostitute for Americans and other aliens.

4Evidentally, Socrates had not been half so satisfying as Plato.

5He didn't much fancy getting up early, and he had set his alarm for a good decade later.

6From that rather unfortunate passage in Leviticus. Maybe, you've heard of it.

7He greatly preferred the Aziraphale rules to the Queensberry ones.

8That was, however, the only nasty thing about it; it broke neatly and hurt almost not at all, fixing an earlier break from when Aziraphale had pushed him rather roughly out of bed.


End file.
